Fashion · Lifestyle

My Relationship With My Body

I haven’t done a fashion post since June.

There are a few reasons behind why: nobody to take photos, no nice places to shoot the photos, no new clothes to talk about but most of all, my weight.

I’d say for the past two years, my weight has been a huge issue.

If you’ve been reading my blog for over a year, you’ll know that when I was travelling in New Zealand (March, 2016), I had extremely bad back pain and it was only until I was back in the UK that I was diagnosed with gallstones.

Not just your average gallstones. Gallstones which put me into private care for an emergency operation (January, 2017) as they were extremely severe.

I’m the heaviest that I’ve ever been.

I don’t know how much I weigh but all I know is that I’m not happy.

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Photos by Megan

Emma, why don’t you make a change? 

I am.

On Monday evenings, I play netball for an hour at my old high school. We start off with three or four laps around the indoor court before stretching and then we split into teams to play for a good forty minutes.

I absolutely love it.

It’s exercise but it’s also a lot of fun and that’s exactly what I need in my life right now.

I’m not one of these girls who can go to the gym, run on a treadmill or do 50 lengths in the pool (I can’t swim that well, so there’s that). I enjoy the type of exercise which tricks my brain such as netball, pilates, long walks along the beach or in a forest. If I don’t think about the fact that it’s exercise, I’m more likely to do it.

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I spoke a few weeks ago on Twitter that I overeat.

I eat when I’m bored.
I eat when I’m not hungry.
I eat when I’m anxious.
I eat late at night.
I give into cravings.
I still eat when I’m full.

Since tweeting about my issue, a lot of people messaged me and were kind about my situation and offered support, but in reality, this is something which I need to do for me.

I know I’m not going to be a size 8 by Christmas but seeing as I’m out of work, I may as well use my time wisely (yes, I am job hunting before anyone thinks I’m slacking).

I have my Charlotte Crosby workout DVD which I can do for an hour first thing in the morning. I have netball on a Monday evening for a good hour. I have pilates with the Mr on Wednesday evening. I have a lovely walkway near my house which I can do a loop of for a 40 minute walk each day (weather dependant).

I have these little exercise plans in my head.

I now need to stick with them.

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Food is a big part of anyone’s life.

I’ve used food as a comforter in more recent years and it’s very easy to pick up a large bar of chocolate for £1 whereas a small pot of fruit can either be £1.50 or £2.

I think my biggest challenge is eating late at night.

When I say “late” that means 7:30pm onwards (unless I’m out for dinner). Is there any need for me to be eating crisps while watching X Factor? Should I really be having 5 Jaffa Cakes while watching Hollyoaks?

The answer is no.

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So this is me, Emma.

Admitting that I have a bad relationship with food.

Admitting that I need to work on my body more in order to be a happier person.

I don’t wish to have abs. I like having a bum. I’d just like a flatter stomach.

I don’t want to breathe in every time someone takes a photo of me, in the hope that I’ll look slimmer. I don’t want to be hoisting my jeans up in order to pull in my stomach. I don’t want to be anxious about eating around people in case they think I’m over indulging. I don’t want to look at other women and think, “I want a body like her.”

I simply don’t want to feel this way.

So I’m doing something about it.

EL xx

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8 thoughts on “My Relationship With My Body

  1. I love how honest you are and I can say that I have the same struggles only you’re so much braver to put it out there. I look forward to reading about how successful you’ve been in the new year because I know you’ll nail it!

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