When you were a child, did you think your grandparents were invincible?
Because I did.
I thought my Nan would always be here, always be at the end of the phone, always giving me baking advice, always there to sew up a dance costume and to always be there just to be my Nan.
But reality hit on the 7th May when she was cruelly taken away from us, in a lovely hospital ward (not her choice may I add) and in the end, it wasn’t the bastard cancer who took her, it was sepsis.
Today is my Nan’s birthday.
I have been thinking about today for quite a few months; how I would feel now that the day is here, how I wouldn’t be able to ring her, how it’s strange not buying her a birthday card and for a little while, I considered booking today off work but why?
My Nan wouldn’t want me to sit around feeling sad on her birthday, she would want me to enjoy the day, to celebrate on her behalf, to eat a few scones and to remember her for being the legend which she will always be.
My Nan’s death made me realise a lot of things:
I need to stand up for myself more often. I need to stop being a doormat and my opinions are just as important as the next person’s. I have a voice and she taught me to embrace her and not let anyone walk all over me.
For two months after her passing, I did an awful lot of comfort eating and that made me realise that being that person who turns to food for comfort isn’t who I want to be anymore. So I made a change and you’ve all heard about how I’ve taken myself on an unexpected fitness journey but in a strange way, her death gave the kick up the backside in order to loose weight and work on myself.
Life will never be the same without her, without my best friend, without my Nan but unfortunately, life has to go on and I have to do my best because I know she will always be my number one supporter.
So Nan, here is to you on your birthday. There is an orchid in the hallway, just for you but because it was our tradition when it was your special day. You’re now up there with Grumps, reunited after 9 years and 8 months, enjoying your bacon on toast and catching up after missed time.
I love you more than you will ever know.